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new.. and in desperate need of help [Feb. 6th, 2005|12:22 pm]
B r o k e n B e y o n d R e p a i r <\3

xtolate2savemex

[__playmatex]
hey everyone - my name's allie, i'm 14. and i'm one of the only 14 year olds in my town, or school, that's ever been in love, truly. it started in 6th grade, i knew this guy since pre school but we were never really interested in eachother until then. we dated for about 3 months, he "cheated" on me with my best friend. then we went out again, cheated on me again with my best friend. went out again, same deal. no, i know - i should have learned then but i didn't. then we went out again, but that time i cheated on him. then we went out again, broke up with me cause he liked my best friend. then i lost my best friend. then we went out again, and i thought he really loved me, he says he did.. but i just don't know, we broke up. i'm a freshman in highschool now, and i've held onto those emotions for 3, almost 4, years.

the most recent time we were involved with eachother, it was really hard. his mother hates me, blahblahblah. well, for the past three weeks now, i knew something was wrong but i couldn't figure out what it was. he stopped telling me he loved me and became distant as days passed. i didn't know what to do, but i had my doubts and my ideas. i accused him of liking this girl, dana (ugly bitch) and he DENIED it straight to my face. well, believe it or not. last night - he fucking asks her out. so now, not only did he lie straight to my face about not liking her but he lied to me about his feelings for me. he didn't even drop me he just started avoiding me. i gave him so much, i don't understand how you can love every girlfriend but the one who gives you the most. please help, anyone? i didn't get any sleep last night, i couldn't stop crying. i also cut last night, for the first time in a while. i used to be a cutter, but i stopped. he's not worth it!
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: dying_tears28
2005-02-06 06:35 pm (UTC)
aww i'm so sorry for your pain..guys can be real assholes at times..nice best friend you got there,it doesn't sound like she's a true friend..what a bitch..i feel ur pain..i'm a cutter,but i haven't cut myself in a long time..i've been really good..i'm sorry i'm not good with advice.that dude is def not worth your tears hun..cheer up *hugs*
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[User Picture]From: __playmatex
2005-02-06 06:49 pm (UTC)
awww, thanks. a lot. guys can so be assholed.. yea, we werent best friends for a long time after that, we were at eachothers throats again. we started talking, now we're okay - but our moms have some problems that keep us from hanging up. i hate cutting, cause it hurts people who love me, but idk what else to do with myself. thanks, so much.
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[User Picture]From: dying_tears28
2005-02-07 01:13 am (UTC)
aww ur welcome,im hear if u need a friend to talk too..it always feels good when you know you can lean on someones shoulders and feel relieved & that someone actually cares to listen..u can tell me anything i won't judge u.do u like drawing or writing(poems,whatever,etc)?that may help instead of cutting?i know it's not the best advice,but it helped me a teeny tiny bit not much.i know when i felt like shit and was all depressed i had a bad temper,i threw things,i scratched my bedroom wall to hell and did stupid things..
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[User Picture]From: __playmatex
2005-02-07 03:19 am (UTC)
i love drawing, and writing poetry. i do it all the time, or i just throw things against my wall, instead of cutting. it helps tons. hey - i'm gonna add you as a friend cause you're really sweet. wanna add me back?
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[User Picture]From: dying_tears28
2005-02-07 06:27 pm (UTC)
aw thanks your a sweet girl too and thanks..i'll add yea back too :)
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[User Picture]From: __playmatex
2005-02-21 10:54 pm (UTC)
yea- fuck guys. guys suck <33 and thanks i'm sure you are too!
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From: schallundrauch
2006-02-17 02:35 am (UTC)
the irony is that what you call "flat our lying" is part of what i would call "being an asshole" which makes us men so much more attractive to many women. Think about it, would you sooner fall for someone that treats you as if you are absolutely special to him, puts his heart at your feet and lets you trample on it or for someone that is difficult to bind, someone that is an asshole but can still make you feel special? I'm pretty sure that at least 90% of women will instinctively rather go for the strong arrogant bastards than for the romantic poet madly in love with her. I blame it on evolution.

but ah well, that's a different debate... just felt a little provoked to mention this aspect as well by your post :-/
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[User Picture]From: __playmatex
2006-02-17 02:37 am (UTC)
Thing is, I made this post like last year literally. But just to update you my life is amazing and I've been dating this amazing guy for almost a year. I had no idea guys like this existed. As for the asshole boyfriend, he's moved on and so have I and that's fine. But I would definitely go for the romantic poet madly in love with me guy - who the hell wouldn't? I really think less than 90% would pick a strong arrogant bastard.
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From: sad_soliloquy
2005-10-15 08:32 pm (UTC)
i can relate so much to your note .. i know how bad those things can get .. there was this boy .. a few years ago .. i fell for him .. couldn't stop staring at him all day at school .. everyone noticed .. so i asked him out .. somehow he also fel for me .. he said so.. and it felt so real to me, you know .. so true and stuff .. i'm not very trusting .. i told him i wasn't. i kept telling him that i loved him and begged him not to cheat on me. you must know we both were like .. weirdos. we were everything all the other people weren't .. and the other way around. we were both seventeen at that time .. our relationship was pretty complicated and confusing . but i thought this is how it was right because we were both complicated and so on .. we've had this nickname-thing going on .. he called me "strange" i called him "weird" .. i would've gone through hell for this person. and then .. one day .. he didn't answer the phone anymore .. avoided me .. didn't answer my messages .. first i was worried because i thought something bad had happended to him .. but then i kinda felt that it was something else .. something about him and me .. i got furious .. and then i found out (he didn't even had the guts to tell me!) that there was this 13 (!!!!) year old girl .. it wasn't even legal you know .. so i broke up with him .. i've been a cutter for like a year and a half after this .. it took me two fuckin years to get over this .. it shouldn't be like this, ..don't you think? this world is cruel enough .. why does love has be a war too?
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From: schallundrauch
2006-02-17 02:27 am (UTC)
Love doesn't have to be war, but if you define your everything over it, base your existence upon it, it becomes war because you become unable to let it go.

I don't know whether it's the way love is glorified and dramatised in literature, musik, movies, and perhaps culture in general, or whether it is just that the strength of emotions is just too hard to handle when you encounter it, but i have come to the conclusion that it is sometimes overrated. Don't get me wrong, love is a wonderfull thing, one of the greatest emotions and inspirations there is in life, but it is not the beginning and end of all.

Love is a flower, it blossoms in beauty and withers away. Love is a blazing fire burning hot and dieing in ashes. You can not hold it too firmly, you can not force it, the more firmly you cling to it the sooner and longer it evades your grip. It was not made for this drama and graveness we surround it with, it is made to brighten our day as long as it lasts and to be fondly remembered but not clung to when it leaves.

It's easy to say this when you're not in (unfullfilled) love, but life does not end when love decides to leave. If you let go of love when it doesn't want to stay it will even return to you another day. All you have to do is weep a little for the love lost and then pick yourself up, remember it fondly, and continue living your life untill it returns again - and that it will as long as you're young. It's not easy, but it's the only thing that helps.
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From: sad_soliloquy
2005-10-15 08:32 pm (UTC)
oh, and: i love your icon!
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